When Chance the Rapper’s Coloring Book came out I was in sin. I was burnt out from overextending myself at church, I was realizing that so many Christians I idolized didn’t have the same passion for justice that I did and I was retreating into myself. I was going back to old habits, old people and I had shut myself off from God.
It was an odd time. Some days I would burst into tears in my car thinking “God I know my life is harder without you, but I can’t trust you anymore.” Other days, I was content with shutting myself off because I had convinced myself that God didn’t want who I had become.
I listened to Coloring Book when just the sound of any worship music made me irate. I listened to Coloring Book when going to church felt tiring and isolating. I listened to Coloring Book when I rolled my eyes at Bible verses.
Coloring Book saved me more than any Bethel or Hillsong worship album could.
Chance is no less Christian on Smoke Break than he is on Blessings. Jesus loves Chance no more when he is singing about How Great God is than when he raps about “what booties can do.”
Chance exists as both Christian and human on Coloring Book and that saved me from myself in ways that I’m still learning about.
In my faith I strove for perfection. I wanted to never curse again, never have too much to drink never think about an ex boyfriend etc etc. The weight of that nearly crushed me. I had convinced myself that any mistake would disqualify me from the love of God. For the hour or so I listened to Coloring Book, that weight was lifted.
Chance the Rapper’s grandmother prayed a prayer over him only grandmothers can pray. She said
‘Lord, I pray that all things that are not like You, You take away from Chance. Make sure that he fails at everything that is not like You. Take it away. Turn it into dust.’”
God did take away all the things that were not like him. God didn’t Chance’s weed habit into dust. He didn’t stop Chance’s ex-girl from getting pregnant. What was left was immense, deep Godly love. God took all of Chance’s life and said “this is my child, made in my image and I love him and I still have good good plans for him.”
So thank you, Chance. Thank you, God for reminding me (us?) that I am still loved, even when I am not perfect.