Nothing is Normal

A sign from the BWI Protest against the refugee ban that reads “I don’t care if it’s ‘norma’ this is not okay”

Baltimore City Schools are at a deficit of about $130 million, the worst deficit they’ve seen so far (hopefully the worst they’ll ever see). There have been over 100 murders in Baltimore City in the year 2017, which is about a murder a day so far. The 45th POTUS has just successfully gutted the Affordable Care Act, a program that gave health coverage to millions for the first time. The nation is increasingly realizing that we are under a fascist regime and what that actually means so my friends and I are all asking ourselves “what now?”

I’ve spoken to a lot of people and they have this mental time line “before the election” and “after the election” for a lot of us “after the election” meant reclaiming ourselves. It meant that some of us were going to have to fight harder than we ever have. It meant some of us will have to teach ourselves, for the first time, how to take care of ourselves.  None of us knew what was coming next, we just knew it wasn’t “normal.”

In the midst of this, my anxiety has become constant. Usually it feels like quiet anticipation as if I’m waiting for something bad to happen at all times. Sometimes I’m suddenly overcome with urgency for no reason. I’ve woken up gasping for air as if I’m underwater (this has happened to me for years and apparently is not as common as I thought).

Through all of this I keep asking myself “is this normal?”

How are we defining normal? So often, we base “normal” on what has come before. But we are in uncharted territory. How do we define normalcy in a world that is literally shifting under our feet?

I guess, we don’t. We create a new normal.

For me, I’m trying to set my sights on peace. What in my daily life brought me some peace today? Sometimes that means praying, sometimes that means budgeting so I know if I can buy a six-pack of beer after a long day of work. Reminding myself that anything that costs my peace is too expensive.

I try to focus on what brings me joy. Usually that’s dancing with friends, watching a movie, taking a walk. I really really love karaoke on a good night. Sometimes it’s laying on my roof and ignoring my phone just looking at how blue the sky is.

I try to focus on hope. I’m hopeful for the future. I look at the kids around me and I’m hopeful that they will take up this fight and get a little closer to liberation. I’m hopeful that they will lead with love and not fear.

I try to check in on myself. I’m not good at this. Usually I don’t notice that I haven’t eaten until my headaches are so bad or until someone reminds me (thanks, friends). I try to make sure my laundry is done so I have clean clothing for work. I make sure my hair is washed so I feel a little more put together.

Peace, love, hope and care are all parts of my new normal. I encourage you to start to define your new normal because the road ahead is long.

Though there is a long road ahead we all must remember one thing: absolutely nothing that is happening is normal.